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[bloodwords]

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[almostking]

“Then I won’t,” Holland agreed and moved back towards the bed, crawling on top of it until he was nose to nose with the other, “I won’t slip away without saying goodbye properly, again.”

It almost sounded like a vow. A promise. And maybe it was.

“Though....I have to admit that you being angry and naked in my bed makes it at least a little hard to regret the decision.”

[bloodwords]

Kell met Holland's eyes and he smiles just slightly at the promise. He reaches up to brush his fingers through Holland's dark hair.

"Maybe so but just because I'm mad doesn't mean I don't want you, Daddy," he slips back into that title and somehow it's a little less difficult here where his guards aren't just outside his door.

[almostking]

“I gathered that from the fact that you’re naked, baby boy,” Relaxing enough to smile, even a little or chuckle was slowly becoming easier to do the more time he spent with Kell.

At least when they were alone. It was different around others still.

His nose brushed against him again and he stole a kiss, “How long can you stay?”

[bloodwords]

Kell always savored Holland’s smiles, his chuckles when he could get them. It made him feel warm that the other is happy, that it seems as if he’s opening up.

He kisses back quickly.

“Rhy will be cross about it but I was thinking 2 or 3 days.”

The kingdom is calm currently.

[almostking]

Two or three days.

Holland blinks slowly and studies Kells face. Thus far, they've only had stolen moments. A few hours here. A kiss in a hallway after a quick trip. Little things. Two or three days sounded like weeks.

He kissed him again. And then again. And then tugged him enough to get him flat on his back, nestled into his pillows for another.

"Rhy will be cross with you until you leave me," he adds after a moment. And somewhere in the back of his mind, he was preparing himself for that. For Kell to finally just choose Delilah. For Kell to listen to his brother. For Kell to get tired of crossing from one London to another just to be with him for moments at a time.

[bloodwords]

Kell is almost worried that Holland won't want him around for that long but he wanted time to not feel rushed... They had so much they wanted to explore, he knew that, so much for Holland to show him and teach him inside and outside of the bedroom.

"I'm not leaving you," Kell says as he's pulled onto his back without resistance. His hand slid through the other's hair and down the back of his neck to his shoulder. Somehow he could make Rhy get over it... Hadn't Kell let go of ...some of his animosity toward Alucard. Eventually, Rhy would understand. It could have been Kell instead of Holland. And Delilah and Holland were both like pieces of him that were missing, there's no choice in that.

His legs wrap around Holland's hips drawing him closer.

"You have all the time you want now. Let's not talk about any of that."

[almostking]

With a small smile he ducked down and stole a lingering kiss. He hasn’t realized how much he needed...this. Affection. Touch. Something that didn’t hurt all of the time.

His own London was on the mend and he wasn’t hyper focused on what needed to be done. It didn’t even matter that people still hated him. Kell didn’t.

Nipping Kells mouth, he breathes a sigh and just looked over his face, “I’m glad you’re here.” I wish you could stay.

[bloodwords]

Kell kisses him back and just holds him close, savoring the feel of their bodies against one another. There’s no rush this time. Kell bit lightly at his own lip after Holland’s kisses, meeting his eyes with a small smile.

“You don’t know how glad I am,” Kell whispers and he wishes he didn’t have to constantly part from the people he cares so deeply for.

[almostking]

They did have time, this time. Holland didn’t bother rushing anything this time, choosing instead to just lay half on top of the other.

“Mm, just talk to me for a while,” he murmured, reaching over to absently tinker with the vile. “About anything. How is Red London? Rhy?”

[bloodwords]

Kell’s fingertips traced a scar on the others shoulder and it’s comfortable and intimate like this. They hadn’t had a lot of time to just talk so he finds himself enjoying the opportunity.

“Red London is doing well... recovering still but it’s hopeful. He furrows his brow. All the politics with other kingdoms is still proving complex...” Kell really didn’t have a mind for it at all so he didn’t linger on the topic.

“Rhy is already a good king,” he says, dropping his hand from the others shoulder. “He’s tired most of the time and worried but it seems to help that Alucard is afflicting his presence on the court.”

[almostking]

Holland idly ran his finger over scars and bone, the line of Kells jaw and lightly over his bottom lip while he spoke.

Kell was beautiful.

And Holland understood the pressures ruling a kingdom held. They left little time for much else. And maybe that was why he was savoring these moments he had with Kell. They were learning each other in a different way. Without barriers and limits and secrets or contempt.

His focus strayed while Kell talked. Up and down and eventually he met his eyes again and stayed there.

“I never wanted to rule. I still don’t,” Slowly he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’ve almost always been in a cage. Ruling is just another title with bars.”

He’d always just wanted a simple life, really.

[bloodwords]

Holland touching him is a soothing and relaxing thing. He enjoys it as he talks. The other rolling onto his back has Kell shifting onto his side. He knows that Holland had never wanted to rule, had wanted nothing but for white London to recover. He reaches out to brush his fingers through his hair again.

“Maybe you can find a successor one day,” Kell says carefully. “A king doesn’t have to stay a king forever.” Not that leaving a throne is common.

“You can be free,” he leans and kisses the others shoulder lightly

[almostking]

"I've thought about that," Holland admits, brow furrowing after a moment of silence, "but I worry that if I did step down, everything would fall apart again. Everything would die all over again." And he couldn't stomach that. Not again.

It wasn't completely out of the question. He would choose who took his place and if he thought for ever a second they would run his world into the ground again he wouldn't allow it. But it was still something that worried him enough to make sleep difficult.

The kiss draws his attention and Holland just lingers, watching Kells face.

He'd wondered about this a lot as well in the past span since the ship. How would this work? White was his home. Red was Kells. Sure, they could bounce back and forth whenever they were able but...

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, "What is this....that we're doing?"

[bloodwords]

“Then you just make sure,” Kell says because at some point it has to be possible for White London to thrive even if Holland isn’t in charge and it’s not like stepping down means abandoning anyone. He’s relaxed and feeling affectionate.

But there’s slight tense at the question.

“What do you mean?”

[almostking]

Holland doesn’t exactly respond but he does make a little sound that says he will think on it some more later.

Kell tenses just enough for Holland to feel it and he looks over his face in response, “This. What is this?”

It could be a plethora of things.

Were they friends? A little more than friends? Did they just have sex?

[bloodwords]

Kell hadn’t thought about naming it before, which is a common thread because it’s basically the same thing with Lila. He didn’t know what the answer is supposed to be.

“I don’t know, Holland. I haven’t been thinking about what to categorize it as... what do you want it to be?”

[almostking]

Holland shakes his head softly after a moment, “I’m not sure,” and then rolls onto his side so he can really see the others face.

“Whatever it is, is fine,” he murmurs, “We’ll just see each other when we can.”

No commitment...because how could they?

“I just don’t want to hear about you with anyone else.”

[bloodwords]

Kell is quiet at the others response.

“Is that really your honest answer, Holland?” Kell asks, because it doesn’t feel like it, not with the last comment.

[almostking]

“It is the answer you’re getting,” Holland replies and shifts to get up. He wants a shower. And he wants to put the walls back up a little because he doesn’t know how to do this yet.

There are cracks forming in his whole...whatever this is he’s done to himself over the years and he isn’t sure if he should mend them or let it fall apart.

[bloodwords]

“Don’t push me away,” Kell can feel it, can see it because he so often does it to people. “Please.”

Kell sits up and he doesn’t try to stop Holland.

“I’ve never done this before or felt for someone the way I do for you. I don’t know what to do or what I’m not doing right.”

[almostking]

Holland stops half way to the bathroom but he doesn’t look back. He closes his eyes and tries to just...focus enough to not turn everything into the room to ice.

Kell hadn’t done anything wrong. Nothing at all.

“Everyone I have ever cared about or have allowed close enough has either tried to kill me or has been killed in front of me,” he admits quietly, “I don’t want you to fall into either of those categories.”

[bloodwords]

Kell stares at Holland's back and he finds himself hating the fact that Holland won't look at him while they talk.

"You know things are different now," Kell points out. And no one could guarantee he wouldn't die but he couldn't fathom a scenario he'd ever try to kill Holland.

"Please don't push me away."

[almostking]

“I’m not pushing you away,” Holland grinds out softly. He isn’t angry or even annoyed. He’s just...vulnerable and he doesn’t know how to handle it properly.

Slowly, he reaches a hand out for Kell, “Shower with me...” Don’t let me pull away.

[bloodwords]

Kell wants to point out that it felt like being pushed away but he doesn't, he just gets up and takes Holland's hand.

"I can do that."

[almostking]

The pair share a shower with surprisingly little in the way of inappropriate behavior. At least until the tail end. When they’re toweling off, Holland pins Kell against the sink and steals a kiss.

He doesn’t want to push Kell away. He doesn’t want to pull away from Kell. He just...

Cradling Kells face in his hands, he noses against him and then takes a moment to just admire his features.

“I don’t mean to be this way. I’ve never had genuine care from someone. It’s always been betrayal and pain;” he says quietly, “And then when I was a slave it became physical pain. And I had to learn how to shut everything off. If I feel, to you, like I’m pulling away—call me on it. Because odds are, I don’t know I’m doing it.”