Those sounds were things Holland would keep tucked safely inside of his memory. Cherished. Savored.
Being quiet was still a priority but Holland appreciates that Kell was giving him a taste of what would have been heard doubled someplace else. He held that kiss, not wanting to stop because it felt so damned good. Pleasure of any kind had been far and few in between for him. Sometimes he didn’t even know if he remembered what it felt like. But here now it was something he had never felt. Not like this.
Moaning lowly, his hips rolled; again and again, grinding them together before he reached down and briefly stroked their cocks together. Fondling, feeling, and the friction caused a rumble in his chest.
Kell struggles not to moan loudly as the pressure, the friction and the delicious feel of Holland's length against his own. It became more difficult when Holland's hand joins the fray, stroking their cocks and Kell is left distracted by it, biting down on his lip the moment that Holland pulls way, hard to keep from making a sound that would surely get them caught.
He exhales at the question and looks up at Holland.
"I want to feel you..." he stumbles, not used to saying things like this. "I want you inside of me. I want to give you everything," he says softly and he should tell Holland that he hasn't done it before, he hesitates on it. "I've never given myself to anyone that way."
That response give Holland pause. His eyes slowly graze over every intricate, beautiful detail of the younger face.
He’s never given himself to a man. Ever. (Holland doesn’t have much room to talk; any and all of his encounters have been laced with pain and regret). But he’s willing to give himself to Holland. Right now. Knowing this is it.
Sighing shakily, he presses their foreheads together, “You offer too much...” This should be given to someone Kell actually cares about. But even that line of thinking doesn’t stop him from slipping his hand from their lengths to tease his fingertips against the others entrance; teasing, tracing.
Kell is unsure how Holland is going to take it. He can't read his response at first, as their foreheads press together. Kell's eyes close, that particular gesture is an intimacy he favors and always has. It felt magnified when it's with Holland.
"I can't offer you enough in this place, this time," Kell counters his eyes opening again. But Holland doesn't seem to be rejecting it, him. Kell had to bite his lip when he first felt the fingertips. He would have not guessed that it would be so sensitive, that such a teasing touch could have such an effect on him. The muscles tensed, relaxed, and tensed again and Kell didn't feel in control of it at all.
“You really have never been with...” He begins; considering Rhy he figured that Kell would have maybe been curious at least about men.
The way his body reacts to the simple touch heats something low in his belly and one finger tests the waters, slipping inside just to the first knuckle to see if this is really what Kell wants.
Curiousity and action were different things. In truth, while Kell might have been with a few women his experience there is still minimal but Holland doesn't need to know that.
When the finger slip in just a little there's an instinctive tense, the intrusion not completely expected, his body not understanding but it takes him little time to relax, to exhale as he gets used to sensation of something going in.
"I want to, Holland," he collects himself enough so that his voice is full, firm and certain even if his heart is racing, nerves leaving his stomach in a bit of knots. "Please," he adds, shifting just so that the other's finger would press a little deeper.
There were so many reasons to stop. To end this before I even really begins bu Holland can make himself pull away.
Kells hips roll and the older Antari pulls his hand up to slick his finger in his mouth before returning it; slipping gently in a bit at a time, giving the younger body enough time to get comfortable but no a moment more.
He catches his mouth in another kiss and he groans at the warm, snugness wrapped around his finger because he can already feel it elsewhere.
“Kell...” You make me wish I had another choice.
Kell would have pulled him back if he tried, he would have insisted, he would have begged for Holland at this point. He doesn't want to relinquish this chance, this moment with him. Their only moment -- unless... unless... thought hangs in his mind heavily as Holland kisses him, as the finger presses further in and he tightens and relaxes, taking it, the sensation more odd than anything else initially.
It hangs heavier still when Holland says his name. Unless.
"Holland," he reaches to cup his cheeks, staring up at him.
Kell is able to stay relaxed around that single finger, the strange shifting into something oddly pleasurable. He wonders if it's just because it's Holland. He presses kisses back, each one relished.
"There has to be another way," Kell says softly and he knows Holland will know he's talking about this being the only time, about saving Holland.
“Kell, it isn’t just you and I anymore. Delilah is the same. When I’m gone you won’t be alone,” Holland murmurs and shifts his face into the others hands, turning to press a kiss to one palm.
Why was Kell so insistent on this? They were never close. He shouldn’t matter to the younger man. Not after everything he had done. He didn’t deserve it.
The first finger was joined carefully by a second, gently stretching him.
"You know it's different," Kell counters. Delilah is different. Something would be missing if either of them were gone. Maybe it's not being alone that he's wanting to escape now. He doesn't know how to put into words the storm inside of him. His thumbs brush along the other's cheek bone and slowly they drift lower after the kisses, to his shoulders, his chest. Sometimes lingering on a particular scar here or there.
Kell inhaled sharply when a second finger pressed in, it was a bit more of a sting but it's nothing he couldn't handle. He isn't fragile, pain isn't a stranger and that's such a brief and small pain. He knew it would be worth it.
Holland closed his eyes and just breathed, listening to the thrum of their hearts beating. The waves just outside. The flatter of others on the ship. He listened to the breath as it passed through Kells lips and chased it. The kisses were warmer things. Things that wanted to hold on. Regretful things.
“...I’m open to other ideas if you can’t think of them.”
He doubted there was anything but if it made Kell stop.
Kell's lips are warm and they tingle even when their lips are apart, the memory, the magic still there.
"You aren't intent on it being a suicide mission?" Kell asks and he should be quiet, let this conversation go for later. Right now, there were two fingers inside of him and he wants more. But the thought, the desire for Holland, for more.. that unless wouldn't go away.
But he'd try to quiet it for the time being.
"Just... accept what I am giving you, we'll talk later," he says before Holland can answer.
It was brief, but Holland chuckled quietly. The sound was foreign even to his own ears, but he couldn’t deny his amusement when Kell finally decided the conversation could wait.
Those two fingers turned and curled; searching for something while stretching him as thoroughly as he could. Really, it would be enough. Antari were accustomed to pain and they would heal—
— but this time he pulled back, sitting down so he could lean back on his hands, “I need you to use that mouth now for something other than trying to convince me to stay.” A single brow arched and he glanced down at his cock where it lay heavy against the apex of his thighs.
That chuckle... Kell's mind latched onto it, he'd keep that memory close. It's rarer than one of his smiles.
For a moment it disappears, everything disappears when those fingers find... something and a burst of pleasure is suddenly making everything fade but then it's gone to soon, leaving Kell stunned and breathless.
Kell's eyes take in the other as he leans back, the lines of his body, the other's cock. And he felt a deep longing, an ache.
It's clear the words made him nervous as he starts to push himself up.
"Alright," he agrees. He'd never done it but he's been pleasured this way. It couldn't be too difficult.
Holland can see that and draws him in for a softer kiss, “I just need to be wet. You don’t have to linger.” His eyes slid down to focus on Kells mouth and he briefly bit his own bottom lip.
He would give much to be able to memorize this man for hours somewhere comfortable.
Kell lets that kiss relax him. He's sure Rhy would have scoffed at the idea of them not using proper materials but Kell had had no reason to *have* those. And this would be enough for him. He shifts after the kiss, moving to his stomach and propping himself up on one elbow as he strokes Holland with the other hand.
He leans in, his tongue brushing against the tip, once, experimentally to get a taste, then grips the base as his tongue slides down along the underside.
Proper materials would have been ideal but since neither of them could actually just wander out of the cabin and ask for them they had to make due.
Holland could feel Kell relax a little. Enough to settle down and lick him. The touch of that warm tongue was almost electric and Holland groaned. Instinctively he reached to slide a hand back through Kells hair; momentarily distracted by the softness of it.
Kell is encouraged by the other's hand in his hair as he licks around the other's cock, every inch of it. There's a visible shudder when Holland said those words, a quiet sound against the other's length. Yes, he likes being told he's a good boy very much apparently.
Then he does start to take him into his mouth, sucking on the tip. He doesn't try to do anything fancy or slow. He just takes him as deep as he can, feeling his throat contract as he works to get the other's cock wetter.
Holland cards his fingers through that red hair, enjoying the soft wavy curl of it as it slips between his fingers. He gently massages his fingertips into his scalp and watches almost lazily as Kell explores him; taking his time and Holland can't make himself rush him. It's too good.
Muscles flutter and his cock twitches against the youngers tongue, all too eager for the attention, precome puddling at the tip and smearing against the others tongue. But it's been too long...
He twists his fingers in Kells hair, a warning--he just needed to be wet.
Kell lets Holland's cock fall from his lips, looking up at him. He shifts back, the taste of Holland still on his tongue, his lips. It's a pleasant thing to him. It had all felt sort of clumsy to him but he thought with practice he could be good at it.
"Holland," he whispers, his heart felt too loud, pounding in his chest as he looks at the older Antari.
Practice that would have to be done on someone else. But Holland had no doubt that Kell would end up good at the act. He was good at anything he practiced.
For a moment, he just looks down at him; beautiful boy with so much potential and power. Beautiful boy that would grow into an even better man than magician. Beautiful boy that he knew he should have turned away a second time for both of their sakes, but he couldn't.
'Please.'
Pushing forward, he drew Kell up enough to push him onto his back with a kiss. He could taste himself on the others lips but he didn't mind it, after a moment it was just all Kell anyway. Both hands adjusted them so that he was between the youngers legs, brushing his cock against his entrance and briefly he enjoyed the instinctive way his muscles fluttered at the inevitable intrusion.
"I will stop if you tell me to," he murmurs and looks over his face, "Don't close your eyes..."
He wanted to see--the eyes don't lie.
And he pressed carefully forward, wishing again that they had the proper preparations for this, but it would just take longer, more care and that was okay.
Truly, Kell might not have allowed Holland to turn him away so easily anymore. He'd grown since they first met, since he'd given Holland that coin. But it didn't matter because Holland is there, between his legs... He's there pressing against him, and Kell couldn't control his muscles, the push and pull of nerves and anticipation. He had been looking toward where their bodies were almost joined when Holland spoke.
"I won't want you to stop," Kell's confident even if he's nervous, even if this is all new and he's lost more control than he'd usually be okay with.
There's a gasp, when Holland pushes in. Kell felt his body give way to it. He struggles to keep his eyes open in that moment, eyelids fluttering. It's a mixture... some pain, something else, pleasure not quite there yet.
Reaching up, he brushed his thumb along the others jaw and carefully watched his face, "Breathe," he murmured. He searches for signs of actual pain and lets his body move on the others cues. When the muscles give, he pushes a little more, idly rocking, short little movements to coax Kells body to let him in.
Brushing his nose against his cheek, he breathes against his ear, little murmurs, maybe a secret or two, words of magic he knows Kell doesn't know. Distracting him from it until he can fully seat himself.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Being quiet was still a priority but Holland appreciates that Kell was giving him a taste of what would have been heard doubled someplace else. He held that kiss, not wanting to stop because it felt so damned good. Pleasure of any kind had been far and few in between for him. Sometimes he didn’t even know if he remembered what it felt like. But here now it was something he had never felt. Not like this.
Moaning lowly, his hips rolled; again and again, grinding them together before he reached down and briefly stroked their cocks together. Fondling, feeling, and the friction caused a rumble in his chest.
“...how far...do you want this to go?”
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He exhales at the question and looks up at Holland.
"I want to feel you..." he stumbles, not used to saying things like this. "I want you inside of me. I want to give you everything," he says softly and he should tell Holland that he hasn't done it before, he hesitates on it. "I've never given myself to anyone that way."
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He’s never given himself to a man. Ever. (Holland doesn’t have much room to talk; any and all of his encounters have been laced with pain and regret). But he’s willing to give himself to Holland. Right now. Knowing this is it.
Sighing shakily, he presses their foreheads together, “You offer too much...” This should be given to someone Kell actually cares about. But even that line of thinking doesn’t stop him from slipping his hand from their lengths to tease his fingertips against the others entrance; teasing, tracing.
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"I can't offer you enough in this place, this time," Kell counters his eyes opening again. But Holland doesn't seem to be rejecting it, him. Kell had to bite his lip when he first felt the fingertips. He would have not guessed that it would be so sensitive, that such a teasing touch could have such an effect on him. The muscles tensed, relaxed, and tensed again and Kell didn't feel in control of it at all.
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The way his body reacts to the simple touch heats something low in his belly and one finger tests the waters, slipping inside just to the first knuckle to see if this is really what Kell wants.
“You don’t have to do this for me, Kell.”
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When the finger slip in just a little there's an instinctive tense, the intrusion not completely expected, his body not understanding but it takes him little time to relax, to exhale as he gets used to sensation of something going in.
"I want to, Holland," he collects himself enough so that his voice is full, firm and certain even if his heart is racing, nerves leaving his stomach in a bit of knots. "Please," he adds, shifting just so that the other's finger would press a little deeper.
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Kells hips roll and the older Antari pulls his hand up to slick his finger in his mouth before returning it; slipping gently in a bit at a time, giving the younger body enough time to get comfortable but no a moment more.
He catches his mouth in another kiss and he groans at the warm, snugness wrapped around his finger because he can already feel it elsewhere.
“Kell...” You make me wish I had another choice.
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It hangs heavier still when Holland says his name. Unless.
"Holland," he reaches to cup his cheeks, staring up at him.
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He can tell he’s...thinking.
Little slow kisses are dropped on the younger mans mouth, “What?”
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"There has to be another way," Kell says softly and he knows Holland will know he's talking about this being the only time, about saving Holland.
"I need there to be another way."
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Why was Kell so insistent on this? They were never close. He shouldn’t matter to the younger man. Not after everything he had done. He didn’t deserve it.
The first finger was joined carefully by a second, gently stretching him.
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Kell inhaled sharply when a second finger pressed in, it was a bit more of a sting but it's nothing he couldn't handle. He isn't fragile, pain isn't a stranger and that's such a brief and small pain. He knew it would be worth it.
"Would you deny me an attempt of being whole?"
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“...I’m open to other ideas if you can’t think of them.”
He doubted there was anything but if it made Kell stop.
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"You aren't intent on it being a suicide mission?" Kell asks and he should be quiet, let this conversation go for later. Right now, there were two fingers inside of him and he wants more. But the thought, the desire for Holland, for more.. that unless wouldn't go away.
But he'd try to quiet it for the time being.
"Just... accept what I am giving you, we'll talk later," he says before Holland can answer.
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Those two fingers turned and curled; searching for something while stretching him as thoroughly as he could. Really, it would be enough. Antari were accustomed to pain and they would heal—
— but this time he pulled back, sitting down so he could lean back on his hands, “I need you to use that mouth now for something other than trying to convince me to stay.” A single brow arched and he glanced down at his cock where it lay heavy against the apex of his thighs.
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For a moment it disappears, everything disappears when those fingers find... something and a burst of pleasure is suddenly making everything fade but then it's gone to soon, leaving Kell stunned and breathless.
Kell's eyes take in the other as he leans back, the lines of his body, the other's cock. And he felt a deep longing, an ache.
It's clear the words made him nervous as he starts to push himself up.
"Alright," he agrees. He'd never done it but he's been pleasured this way. It couldn't be too difficult.
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He would give much to be able to memorize this man for hours somewhere comfortable.
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He leans in, his tongue brushing against the tip, once, experimentally to get a taste, then grips the base as his tongue slides down along the underside.
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Holland could feel Kell relax a little. Enough to settle down and lick him. The touch of that warm tongue was almost electric and Holland groaned. Instinctively he reached to slide a hand back through Kells hair; momentarily distracted by the softness of it.
“Good boy...”
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Then he does start to take him into his mouth, sucking on the tip. He doesn't try to do anything fancy or slow. He just takes him as deep as he can, feeling his throat contract as he works to get the other's cock wetter.
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Holland cards his fingers through that red hair, enjoying the soft wavy curl of it as it slips between his fingers. He gently massages his fingertips into his scalp and watches almost lazily as Kell explores him; taking his time and Holland can't make himself rush him. It's too good.
Muscles flutter and his cock twitches against the youngers tongue, all too eager for the attention, precome puddling at the tip and smearing against the others tongue. But it's been too long...
He twists his fingers in Kells hair, a warning--he just needed to be wet.
"Mmmm..."
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"Holland," he whispers, his heart felt too loud, pounding in his chest as he looks at the older Antari.
"Please."
Kell's ready for him.
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For a moment, he just looks down at him; beautiful boy with so much potential and power. Beautiful boy that would grow into an even better man than magician. Beautiful boy that he knew he should have turned away a second time for both of their sakes, but he couldn't.
'Please.'
Pushing forward, he drew Kell up enough to push him onto his back with a kiss. He could taste himself on the others lips but he didn't mind it, after a moment it was just all Kell anyway. Both hands adjusted them so that he was between the youngers legs, brushing his cock against his entrance and briefly he enjoyed the instinctive way his muscles fluttered at the inevitable intrusion.
"I will stop if you tell me to," he murmurs and looks over his face, "Don't close your eyes..."
He wanted to see--the eyes don't lie.
And he pressed carefully forward, wishing again that they had the proper preparations for this, but it would just take longer, more care and that was okay.
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Truly, Kell might not have allowed Holland to turn him away so easily anymore. He'd grown since they first met, since he'd given Holland that coin. But it didn't matter because Holland is there, between his legs... He's there pressing against him, and Kell couldn't control his muscles, the push and pull of nerves and anticipation. He had been looking toward where their bodies were almost joined when Holland spoke.
"I won't want you to stop," Kell's confident even if he's nervous, even if this is all new and he's lost more control than he'd usually be okay with.
There's a gasp, when Holland pushes in. Kell felt his body give way to it. He struggles to keep his eyes open in that moment, eyelids fluttering. It's a mixture... some pain, something else, pleasure not quite there yet.
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Brushing his nose against his cheek, he breathes against his ear, little murmurs, maybe a secret or two, words of magic he knows Kell doesn't know. Distracting him from it until he can fully seat himself.
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